X-mas greetings

Hi Zaradon, 

Here is an x-mas greeting to you and everyone. 

D. Rex

Curious George: The Curious Little PUNKy

[Warning the above is not true! You are not looking at a monkey!]

Or alternative post title:
Curious George: The Subversive, Manipulative Little "Monkey (Allegedly)"

Hi Zaradon,

Sorry for waiting so long to reply for you. The pictures of your previous post were so haunting I didn't even want to write to you, let alone even think about you. But your post really got me thinking about things that were haunting and evil. And although the possum as well as the raccoon are both terrifying animals at least they are upfront about it. I mean that possums ugly ass face tells you its intentions, and the same goes when there is a raccoon eating your face, you atleast know it is attacking to you.

This leads me to the topic of this letter I am writing you today Zaradon. It is about a series of books, very dark books that are subversive and are manipulating the minds of our youth. It is this curious george: the curous little monkey series. Here are the problems with it.

First it is reducing readers (predominantly impressionable youth) knowledge of chimpanzees, a species at a high rate of extinction. Curious George if you see him in his graphic depictions does not have a tail. He also possesses amazing social cognitive skills such as theory-of-mind like capabilities, and shared intentionality with the man in the yellow hat. Both of these two things highly suggest that Curious George is a chimpanzee, however the book presents him as a monkey. This is a gross injustice to the taxonomy of our reader's closest living relatives (not ours because we are dinosaurs and erniesaurus (see above post) is ours)!

Secondly the book subversively promotes slavery. The man from the yellow hat goes to Africa and takes George from his native lands and then takes him back to america and than locks him up in a zoo. He takes him from Africa and makes him work in america against his will. Sounds dangerously similar to the shameful past of the native country of many of our readers (which may only be two or three people). So you may be thinking this can't be slavery because it isn't a human it is a chimpanzee, well, I will send you another letter soon my dearest zaradon that will change the way you think about chimpanzees. So get ready.

All the best to you on the holiday season's!
Sincerely,
D. Rex

My nightmare animal

Your raccoon-fear reminded me of my nightmare animal- the possum.

My fear largely stems from:

1. They look like giant rats.

2. I hate rats. (Snakes : Deepusaurus as Rats : Zaradon.)

3. They have weird naked devil faces.

THE LAST SIGHT YOU'LL SEE.

4. They have dead eyes.

THERE IS NO SOUL IN THERE!

5. They have baby hands.

A BABY MUST BE MISSING ITS HANDS BECAUSE YOU STOLE THEM, POSSUM!!

And in my research to find these photos I came upon this blog forum focusing on "Getting Rid of Possums" that made me feel a whole lot better because it seems that many others share my feelings concerning possums. I've copy pasted my favorite responses below.

RE: Getting Rid of Possums
Post By Country Girl in Ohio (Guest Post) (07/09/2008)
A few weeks ago I was in my bathroom and saw a tail- sure it was a rat I went out and bought rat poison- happy to see it gone and no more tails I thought I was rid of my problem. Last night at 2 Am I was awoke by noise and there it was a possum IN MY HOUSE, IN MY BEDROOM. That creepy, smelly little $*** just looked at me. I threw a shoe at it and I'm not sure how it got in or got out but today there is no sign of it. I want it gone.

(this is basically my worst nightmare)

RE: Getting Rid of Possums
Post by Rssj (1) | (03/19/2008)

OK. I live in Brooklyn, NY. A quiet residential area, not a lot of trees. We just saw a possum for the first time. He is sitting on the front fence in the yard. He looks like a big fat rat. We are very shocked and surprised. I am scared. He is ugly and sitting outside like he is paying the mortgage here. He has been in the same spot for 45 mins. My husband had to use the back door just now.

(um, I also live in Brooklyn. Nightmare=reality?)


RE: Getting Rid of Possums
Post By PTHECOP (Guest Post) (09/04/2008)
We just chased off a possum that had set up residence in the doghouse in the back yard. We doused the ugly creature with water and he meandered his slow moving behind away. The dog is a house dog who never used the house anyway, so I threw the dog house away, and I hope the ugly monster is gone because he scared the hell out o me and I am one of Texas' finest police officers. ( our little secret)

(SEE-THEY DON'T WALK, THEY MEANDER! Even a Texas police officer thinks they're UGLY MONSTERS.)

Please avoid at all costs.

Zaradon out.

Raccoons are the new snakes

Hi Zaradon,

You know how we evolutionarily shaped the genetics of mammals to be biologically predisposed to be afraid of snakes successfully delaying the extinction of the human species.

Well move over snakes, raccoons are the real threat.

I had a dream last night that I was walking through the forest. And it was early spring and the path opened up to some sort of outdoor natural theater. And there was a raccoon there so I stopped but this raccoon seemed really friendly. So I started to back up but it approached me, so I froze. Then the raccoon jumped on my face and attacked.

So this is like a reenactment of my dream except I am not white.

So I woke up quite startled, and this was the first animal attack dream I have had that didn't involve snakes (or fundamentalist saying I am only 4000 years old). so I did some internet research and here is what i found out about raccoons.

(1) There were 2,615 cases of rabies in raccoons in 2006
(2) Raccoons have and will kill puppies and kittens
(3) They have sharp teeth and claws
(4) They are against the ban on waiting in lines that Barack Obama has proposed.

All these things considered, I would say that snakes are out and Raccoons are in. And by in I mean in my updated list of phobias, in possession by the devil, and in a lot of trouble if I am still around when they diverge from the reptilian/avian lineage.

Good day ladytron,

D. Rex

OK, then, RAAAAWR.

I agree, Rawr is where it's at. I'll make sure to adopt it into my vocabulary immediately.

Also where it's at- this short film by Fred Armison (from SNL) and Carrie Brownstein (from Sleater Kinney) called The Feminist Bookstore. I know how much you love womyn- enjoy!



This is actually episode 2. Episode 1 may be found here.

Raaawwr is the new Roaaarrrr

Hi Zarasoraus,

I know you always like to be ahead of the williamsburg crowd, so I just wanted to let you know that Roaarrring as a dino is totally out and Raaawwrring is totally in . Sound it out, you will feel much cooler (except don't get to cold because you are cold blooded).

D. Rex

p.s. my roommate told me this so I am tentative as to whether it is true or not.

We are all shiba inus.

Remember the puppycam and how much it changed your life?

And remember during dinosaur college when we learned the word "meta" and started using it all the time (and still find ways to use it today)?

Well, look at this.

Now imagine if someone takes a photograph of their shiba inu looking at this shiba inu looking at the puppy cam of shiba inus.

(beeeeeee-OOOOOoooop)

That's the sound of your mind exploding.

More meta pictures can be found here.

The Missing Link

Hi Zaradon, 

There has been a lot of search/debate/research on finding the missing link between us dinosaurs and them (our readers).  I think I have recently found the missing link which is a half reptile/half cat.   I was going to send it to either nature or science magazine, but it is hard to make figures and type references without any thumbs.  So I thought I would just post it here instead.  

Other people have suggested that birds are the missing link but common on seriously, look how ridiculous this bird/lizard/insect is. 

Hope your having a nice beginning of December. Make sure you keep warm because you are not warm blooded.  

D. Rex

Christmas Present

Hi Deepusaurus,

First off- that giraffe is totally wasted! I hope her friends don't leave her at the club like that. Watch out, giraffe, that other giraffe offering to buy you another Razzmopolitan right now is a baaaaad guy.

Secondly, did you ever see The Lake House? How did that end? Do they live together in the past, the future...or are they just satisfied with time travelling letters?

Tertiary- incidentally, the time period right after we became extinct- I found you a delightful Christmas surprise, even though we don't believe in Christmas because we're dinosaurs.

Feist (your one true love) appeared as an angel on the Colbert Report Christmas special on Sunday night. Thought you might enjoy.



Also, I am going to Chicago tomorrow so I'll hopefully be able to say hey to the skeleton of our dead dinosaur friend, Sue.

Roar,

Zaradon

Matrix Insight

ROARRRR Zaradon,

I was thinking in class and had a really insightful thought. You know how in the matrix they are able to plug into people's brains and teach them stuff that they remember. Well I am pretty sure I know how we can do it. There is the part of the brain called the olfactory bulb that you can directly access through the nostril. So the great thing about the olfactory bulb is

(1) It is one of two places in the brain that has neurogenesis (the creation of new neurons) making it very plastic
and

(2) It has projections to the hippocampus where memories are formed for future retrieval.

So I am pretty sure if we plugged into people's olfactory bulbs with electrical stimuli we would be able to import helicopter instructions, flying skills, etc. I thought you might be interested. If only we co-existed with humans, I could test this out. Hopefully, someone will read this and try it out.

Also do you think that our blog is sort of like the boat house with Sandra Bulluck because we are in the pre-historic past and sending letters to the future. If only someone would fall in love with us and we could get the background of the blog to look like a boat house.

D. Rex

Long time no Roar!!!!

Hi Zaradon,

Sorry for the long delay. I love that dumbo octopus, I wonder if he is around during our times. Too bad the graphic on the t-shirt is sub-par to the real thing.

In other news, I was recently in Washington, DC visiting some of our old chums at the Natural History Museum, when I came across a Taxidermy Giraffe who looked like on of those girls (or cross dressing males) who have had to much to drink and are in heels and are stumbling everywhere. You know the one's who are laughing right now with their drink about to spill out of their hand but in about one minute will be crying.

I thought you would want to see the picture.

Deepusaurus.

McSweeneys puts a video camera in your brain

Remember this little guy?

It's the dumbo octopus, Nature's pokemon, and one of your personal favorite animals, I do believe.

Well, today I learned from the McSweeneys newsletter that they're coming out with new T-Shirts, including THIS ONE:


WHAT??

Did they liquify your dreams, drain them out of your skull and use them as ink to print this onto extra soft American Apparel cotton? What is going on??

You need to write them a letter.

Or buy one here.

OMG Canada is the best!

Hi Zaradon,

I thought Canada was the best because of their healthcare policy, and then I thought they were the best b/c people left their doors unlocked, and then I thought they were the best because of Roots Athletics and Broken Social Scene (either one its own wasn't enough).

But now I know they are the best because of Nigel. Also not to be a political dinosaur but look at what beautiful things can come from government funding . That post made my day, my week, and perhaps my life.

Deepu

P.s. I also had a friend whose birthday just came up. I bought her a fish. I attached the picture from the party above.

One day he will rule us all

Hey Deepusaurus,

I've found you a new personal hero. He's only ten and he's already surpassed a level of cool I never knew existed. Let me introduce you to Nigel, Electronic Musician:



Videogum tells me he made this video in a Montreal after school program that gets kids into electronic music.

Again, reasons why he is your new hero:
1. He makes his own electronic music.
2. That sweater. I know you want it. Good thing he's safely on youtube or you would have punched him in the face and ripped it off his body.
3. Again, his name is Nigel.

OMG imagine if he pairs up with Bjork and Michel Gondry makes them a music video and it involves beagle puppies running across a train set made out of cardboard with paint on their paws so that everything gets all painty. Imagine.

Zap!

Oh no! Ankle sprain! Poor Deepusaurus.

You're right about freezing time- it is a reasonable plot device. Particularly in "Out of This World." If I had been at your soccer game I would have totally put my fingers together and zapped time to stop before you hurt your ankle. This is presupposing my Dad's an alien who speaks to me from a flashing cube thing. This is also presupposing my tiny dinosaur arms would be able to touch and stop time in the first place.

I'd try at least.

Lisa Turtle is tough (hopefully)!

Hi Zaradon, 

I sprained my ankle in a soccer game tonight and have been really grumpy because it hurts and I have to hobble around everywhere.  I was thinking though about when Casey Casem had the dance contest at the Max and Lisa Turtle sprained her ankle.  But she continued to dance with a smile on her face the whole time.  So she was either:

(1) Really tough, and worked through the pain and really deserved to win

or

(2) Broke reality in a subtle way which I am actually not alright with.  I am alright with freezing time and other predictable plot lines, but this is too subversive. 

I am hoping it was the former.  What do you think. 

Deepusaurus

Forget Racism or Feminism, how about 20/20 ism

Dear Zaradon,

First and foremost as the king of the lizards I don't make puppies. I eat puppies! Second of all I stared at that website for over 30 minutes.

Now to my post. This past years Democratic Presidential Race along with the recent win of B. Obama got alot of people talking about prejudice against women and minorities. But I think the most dangerous of prejudice are those that people are not talking about, so I want to take some time to talk about something I call 20/20 ism. You may be thinking I am referring to the television show, but in actuallity I am referring to my perfect eye-sight and the way society is stifling me becuase of my genetics. They may not be stiffling my financial income, education, or access to public goods, but I do think "society" is holding me back from expressing myself through fashion.

I recently started to wear glasses again to look like Elvis Costello except indian and w/ scales and tiny arms, but everybody who sees me:
(1) comments on my glasses being new
(2) asks when I started to need glasses
(3) judges me severely when they find out I don't need them

One should be able to wear glasses without judgement the same way people with glasses are allowed to have a variety of glasses (my roommate has 3!) and the way people are allowed to wear other accesseries (i.e. watches, bracelets, scarves) and the same way we have a right to free speech/bear arms.

I am tired of telling people my glasses protect my eyes from UV light or that I have been in front of a computer too long. I humbly ask for your support in the fight against 20/20ism.

Sincerely,
A very irrate Deepusaurus Rex

Puppy Cam

Dearest Deepusaurus,

Did you make this?

Thanks. I'm not going to get any work done today.

Copycats 2.0

Dearest Deepusaurus,

Those similarities are uncanny. I think Disney owes Hasbro, Marvel Comics and Sunbow Production a billion dollars. Yes, I looked up the producers of Jem on wikipedia. So there.

But you raised an interesting idea of copycats that made me want to draw your attention to ANOTHER copycat: Paul Rudd.

I KNOW! Paul Rudd is THE BEST. How can he be a copycat?? Has the world turned upside down?

But he is! Recently he and David Wain go together to make this little video as a way to promote their new movie, Role Models.



And I was like this SHOULD be amazing, but I've SEEN IT BEFORE.

Right here.




So- copycats? Or maybe this is just a thing comedic actors I swoon over do to be charming? I mean, at the end of the day I'm double charmed which isn't the worst situation to be in. But still- little bummed out that I saw the Paul Rudd clip and my immediate reaction was OLD NEWS.

Dearest Zaradon,

Hannah Montana is old news. I was thinking about it and she is just a lame rip off of Jem and the Holograms, just like power rangers was a lame rip off of voltron.

(1) If you replace earrings with a wig, they both have the best of both worlds.
(2) They both have minority arch nemeses. Jem had Pizazz (she had green hair so I am assuming she is a minority) and Hannah has Selene Gomez
(3) Both bands were produced by their father Jem's holographic computer/producer Synergy was built by her father, and hannah has billy ray.


Just wanted to share,

Deepusaurus

Dearest Zaradon,

Ever since Pangea split it has been so hard to keep in touch. Thank god for blogospheres. I can't wait to discuss politics, entertainment, iceland, and the Disney channel with you.

Deepusaurus

Are you there, Deepusaurus? It's me, Zaradon.

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